I know this might be hard for you to accept but you should honestly let people contact you and they could get your PayPal number I would be happy to donate some money to you I don't want to see you sell all your gear and you're still going to have to sell a ton but maybe you can keep a few of your best ones. There's no reason to be proud and to say no to this this is a great forum and a lot of brothers here would be happy I'm sure to help out a fellow rigtalker. If not I have the mods delete this it was just a thought in my head I wish you nothing but the best my brother and I'm praying for you along with so many other people in this world right now