Well this is quite embarrassing. But I can certainly laugh at it now!
This is more of a PSA!!
I came across an article onetime on the subject of semen retention. It talked about how doing this practice would reinvigorate you sex life and make you feel young again!
I decided, hey let's give a try! So, I researched the subject to discover just how to implement this technique.
To my surprise, it was quite an involved process. There was a lot of prep work. I guess you could say, practice for the big game. The big game being the introduction of your partner into mix.
After a couple days of practice I felt like I was ready to go for it! So that night I followed the sequence with my wife. The process is to have sex And just at the point of climax you pull out and squeeze and press you fingers in a certain spot and basically have mini orgasms internally. Here we are going at it and the time presents itself, I pull out and my wife looks back at me wondering what and the hell is wrong with me! Meanwhile I'm in some odd posture, shaking like a leaf on a tree trying with all my might to hold back the explosion that has been so easily allowed for many years previous. I said don't worry baby, I'm trying something new and it's going to rock your world! She was game. I did this process a couple more times that night.
Another part of the process after the action is to use your will to circulate the retained energy around and through your entire body.
This went on for few nights and I must admit things were going great. The wife was certainly enjoying it and I did feel more invigorated.
A couple of nights later we decided to go out of town for the night. We went to dinner and had some drinks and then retired to our hotel room. We then engaged in the act of love. It was outstanding!
Until.........
It was about 2am and i woke up to a horrid stench and the feeling of moisture on the bed. It took me a moment to gather myself and realize what I was experiencing. To my shock I had SHIT the bed!! I'm not talking about a little squirt! It was full on emptying of the ass! It looked like a shit bomb had went off!! I was mortified! I couldn't believe it. I didn't even feel it happen. I woke my wife up and said, "babe, I just shit the bed!" She was unphased, like no big deal. I was like " BABE, I JUST SHIT THE BED!!!!" I ripped the sheets of the bed. Here it is now 2:15am and I'm hunched over the hotel bathtub, scrubbing shit out of the sheets!
I guess all that retained tension needed to be released somewhere as I wasn't allowing it to move through its normal path! IT FOUND IT'S OWN PATH!!!
I didn't realize that the promise of youth using this practice, actually meant reverting back to a new born baby shitting itself! Lesson learned.
Needless to say, I immediately stopped this practice!
Lucky it wasn’t your first time with a new girlfriend. Imagine the wild shame spiral you would delve into while simultaneously apologizing and trying to explain why this catastrophic fecal fiasco occurred in the first place.
After being woken by you with warnings of impending doom, her nostrils would soon be assaulted by your toxic ass vapors as your attempt to start cleaning wafted the nasty inhalant her way. As she is tearfully overcome by noxious and obscene odors, she is both utterly shocked and disgusted.
You sense the winds of change are shifting, and you could be entering the danger zone. The look on her face tells you all you need to know. Yes, it’s over.
Sadly, she would wrongly assume that you have wildly explosive bowel movements in your sleep on a regular basis. Your mind would be racing, as you pictured the news of your shitastrophe spreading like wildfire!
From your now, ex new girlfriend, to her friends, to their other friends, wrapping back around to people you know well. Soon, close friends and probably even family members will know of your vulgar disaster.
Could you get her to keep this to herself? Is that possible? Is there a chance it could be swept under the rug and nobody will ever know? Is there? My god, could this be forgotten about? Yes???!?
NOT A CHANCE!! Reality sets in.
Oh, how the PAIN RUNS SO DEEP!
All the while you are insisting to your now ex girlfriend that your deplorable, putrid, and inappropriate act was just a one off because you were trying to execute a new technique to retain your semen, and that in fact, it was also for her benefit (so also her fault, awesomely assigning part of the blame on her, trying to make her feel a bit guilty as said technique was also done for her), but the energy you built up had to be expelled from the body, but tragically, in your case, it rocketed from YOUR ASS IN YOUR SLEEP, and lucky for you, the blankets stifled it’s awesome bazooka like fire power as it originated as an airborne projectile from the immense amount of energy built up over the previous few days as you perfected the semen saving energy technique.
WHOA!!!!! The cruel sense of humor from the lords of fate! From taking your hot new girlfriend to bed, to her experiencing the greatest heights of disgust. What a nightmare situation.
It could have been so much worse bro!! Thankfully your wife sounds SUPER cool, not being phased by this! What an awesome woman. I would love to find a woman like this.
You are a bold and brave dude coming forth with this!
By the way, I would have burned those sheets.
But hey, what is funnier than the misfortune of others?
