WTB: Toilet Paper

[SpiderWars]

I always have too much, it doesn't go bad/spoil so I've always kept a ton under every sink next to every toilet. And then there's the Cottonelle wipes, that I always have a bunch of (once you've tried finishing with these things...you can't go back...I'd have made a poor seaman ). Then there's the medicated Prep H wipes that I hope none of you ever need (only once for me but man it was a deusy). So TMI...I'm good on TP and didn't even buy any for all this.

We need a "Save the Monkey Butt" effort so our good friend down under doesn't have to unwillingly become a sailor.

 

[Mklane]

I'm in the "if you dont know how to clean your ass without paper maybe you deserve to die" camp.

 

[Monkey Man]

We need a "Save the Monkey Butt" effort so our good friend down under doesn't have to unwillingly become a sailor.

 

[paulyc]

Let’s see that red, raw monkey arse !

 

[MetalHeadMike]

Couldn't believe it until I went to town last week & and every store was out of it. Guess I'll have to use a shit n' shower technique I guess Lol!

FedEx told me they have seen more toilet paper sent and received that they ever have.
Like getting a Christmas Gift.


Don't you have like 20 acres to be able to poop outside?

Nope...just a little over an acre and there's already too much feces piled up from all the critters for me to dump my load out there

 

[Monkey Man]

Let’s see that red, raw monkey arse !

I'm no baboon but I fear that an infection could blow things up like those fat-ass clowns. Damned baboons give simians a bad name, man. What an embarrassment.

 

[romanianreaper]

Wash rag. Hot water.

Real men don’t
Wipe their ass!!
Sorry. An old Navy quote.
Most civilians wouldn’t get the quote.

LOL!!! Navy quotes.... Oh man, my buddy is Navy and I worked with the Navy for 9 years of my career in the Air Force. They always had the funniest sayings and could get away with that crap.

We were on a trip once and my friend told me what their supply ship's "saying" was, and they were able to use it (back then anyway". It was "We slip the meat, to the fleet". I told him that would never fly now.

My Navy friend was always telling me hilarious stories about life on a carrier and the stunts people would pull because they were miserable and missed home. He said within days of leaving port, every toilet is overflowing, and people would take a dump at the entrance to the shower area (before you get to the light switch) just to piss people off.

 

[Beyond Black]

Getting low.. Have some pedals as trade bait. Will not add cash.

3-4 ply only.

How about two ply plus cash?

 

[paulyc]

Getting low.. Have some pedals as trade bait. Will not add cash.

3-4 ply only.

How about two ply plus cash?

Sure, wipe yer arse with hundreds mate !

 

[Monkey Man]

Dayum. I walked back up to the supermarket today and someone bought the last pack of rolls as I walked in.

Gettin' close. Must mean the obsession's starting to wear off finally.

 

[Kordoba]

Dayum. I walked back up to the supermarket today and someone bought the last pack of rolls as I walked in.

May I interest you in a hands free anal swab?

 

[Monkey Man]

That's straight out of scottosan's playbook, DBN. He'd be jealous if he knew you were "handing" them out for free... oh hang on... you said "hands-free", not "free". Bummer(!).

Do you take credit cards... or only tongue and dick?

 

[Beyond Black]

Dayum. I walked back up to the supermarket today and someone bought the last pack of rolls as I walked in.:

Just throw it against the wall, and wipe with some banana peels, Monkey Man!

 

[Monkey Man]

Crikey! What'll they think of next? Genius, BB!

Thanks so much, mate. You just saved me a shit-tonne of moola... literally.

 

[AndyK]

Here's a secret trick. Find a Trump-supporting-neighborhood store. Seems Trump supporters don't believe the virus is that bad, so, they don't go nuts and hoard toilet paper.

I shit you not!

 

[Monkey Man]

Good lateral thinking, mate.

 

[John4021]

Crikey! What'll they think of next? Genius, BB!

Thanks so much, mate. You just saved me a shit-tonne of moola... literally.

Did he just call you a "Banana Bender"?

LOL

 

[Monkey Man]

That's me; I'm a Peyronie's Banana Bender™.

 

[SpiderWars]

The Devil went down to Walmart
He was lookin' for a roll to steal
He was in a bind,
Clenchin' his behind,
He was willin' to make a deal.

 

[John4021]

The Devil went down to Walmart
He was lookin' for a roll to steal
He was in a bind,
Clenchin' his behind,
He was willin' to make a deal.