Just got out of jail ! Gimme some tunes to cheer me up !

JackBootedThug said:
I was working a unit on overtime once and this dude from NYC comes up and says he needs to go to medical. Well in prison it doesn’t work like that. I said nope. He said but I really need to go CO… I say why… he said-I’m really sick. I say-what’s wrong? He gives me a strange look and let’s out a long sigh and says you are really gonna make me do this aren’t you? Now I’m thinking to myself what is this mofo gonna do? Swing on me? Stab me? I say yup… what’s up? He then proceeds to tell me how he was changing and slipped and accidentally got his toothbrush holder (and toothbrush) stuck in his touch hole…that’s asshole or butthole for civilians. So I look at him for about a minute…very long and drawn out…got a little uncomfortable for a second..then I said don’t worry bro…I got you… the look of relief on his face was a site to behold. So I got on channel one and called medical. They responded. I said go to tac 2… they said negative go with your traffic… I said I have an inmate that needs to see you. They said wait till sick call… I said negative..he needs to come now.. they say what is his problem? The inmate has been listening to us with a continually growing look of horror and realization…he begins mumbling don’t do it CO, don’t do it CO… I look at him and say sorry bwah.. I key the mike and say on tac 1( whole institution..everyone hears that traffic) the inmate fell on his toothbrush holder and it’s stuck in his ass and he can’t get it out. Radio silence…. Then I hear them say-come again with your last…then I say-inmate has his toothbrush holder stuck in his ass and he can’t get it out. After a pause they say send him… while this conversation is happening the inmate in question is steadily shrinking and getting paler and sweating realizing that this conversation is happening on channel one and every one is listening to me explaining that he has a toothbrush holder stuck in his ass. Plus the neighboring unit officer as well as the unit secretary, unit manager, case manager and two counselors come out when they hear me on the radio. So now you have 6 radios blaring this conversation throughout the block and the other inmates are hearing everything… then everyone begins laughing..but me because I’m a professional and shit… by the time I send him out on the yard to walk to medical..every swinging dick with a radio is standing out there watching this crash test dummy do the walk of shame… they actually had to do an emergency med trip for him. I never saw him again….
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I was a CO, too for a bit. Fun job.
 
Techdeth said:
Lol I look like death today . I’m beat up . What a pussy lol View attachment 389988View attachment 389988
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thegame has obtained a still from actual video taken of the incident:

Opie_and_Angela.jpg
 
Sorry to hear the news......I'm glad you were able to get out with no charges! They usually just assume the guy was doing the beating.......she must have screwed up and proudly told the cop how she was beating on you. Are the police pressing charges for you or do they want you to press charges?

My friends son's wife did the same thing down in Florida, she was always melting down and smacking and punching on him and he always held back......

She pulled her crap one night and then told him she was calling the cops on him to get him hauled away because she had always gotten away with it but this time the cops asked her if she was hitting him and she proudly told them yes and they hauled her away to jail...........I don't have to tell you they are divorced now............Hang in there and stay away from her now....she'll be looking to bait you into getting charges filed on you.....
 
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JackBootedThug said:
I was working a unit on overtime once and this dude from NYC comes up and says he needs to go to medical. Well in prison it doesn’t work like that. I said nope. He said but I really need to go CO… I say why… he said-I’m really sick. I say-what’s wrong? He gives me a strange look and let’s out a long sigh and says you are really gonna make me do this aren’t you? Now I’m thinking to myself what is this mofo gonna do? Swing on me? Stab me? I say yup… what’s up? He then proceeds to tell me how he was changing and slipped and accidentally got his toothbrush holder (and toothbrush) stuck in his touch hole…that’s asshole or butthole for civilians. So I look at him for about a minute…very long and drawn out…got a little uncomfortable for a second..then I said don’t worry bro…I got you… the look of relief on his face was a site to behold. So I got on channel one and called medical. They responded. I said go to tac 2… they said negative go with your traffic… I said I have an inmate that needs to see you. They said wait till sick call… I said negative..he needs to come now.. they say what is his problem? The inmate has been listening to us with a continually growing look of horror and realization…he begins mumbling don’t do it CO, don’t do it CO… I look at him and say sorry bwah.. I key the mike and say on tac 1( whole institution..everyone hears that traffic) the inmate fell on his toothbrush holder and it’s stuck in his ass and he can’t get it out. Radio silence…. Then I hear them say-come again with your last…then I say-inmate has his toothbrush holder stuck in his ass and he can’t get it out. After a pause they say send him… while this conversation is happening the inmate in question is steadily shrinking and getting paler and sweating realizing that this conversation is happening on channel one and every one is listening to me explaining that he has a toothbrush holder stuck in his ass. Plus the neighboring unit officer as well as the unit secretary, unit manager, case manager and two counselors come out when they hear me on the radio. So now you have 6 radios blaring this conversation throughout the block and the other inmates are hearing everything… then everyone begins laughing..but me because I’m a professional and shit… by the time I send him out on the yard to walk to medical..every swinging dick with a radio is standing out there watching this crash test dummy do the walk of shame… they actually had to do an emergency med trip for him. I never saw him again….
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I’ve pulled crazy shit out of guy’s assholes. Mostly dildos (all types). Once a Spider-Man ball, a butter knife, remote control, marbles and so on. Again. It’s always dudes. Never women. One guy tried all night long to get a vibrator out and tore his rectum up with needle nose pliers… we gave him a colostomy. Stupid ass.
 
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