tales from the big house.....

  • Thread starter Thread starter JackBootedThug
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JackBootedThug said:
#3 The ballad of swamp thing….

Swamp thing is a very interesting dude. Severe mental illness issues and from being from Cuba…probably was jailed all his life. Anyway he’s a mariel Cuban. Castro emptied out all prisons, mental institutions and basically all undesirable people and threw them on boats and sent them to the USA. When they got here most were imprisoned in the fed for life. So anyway swamp thing is more fucked up than a tree full of owls. They made him a compound orderly driving a Cadillac so everyone could watch him. My first experience with swamp thing was standing outside the chow hall while mainline was running….they planted trees on the compound and swamp thing found a birds nest with three little chicks in it. He promptly grabbed one and ate it. That’s swamp thing. That’s how he rolled. My first conversation with him was about him fucking dogs. Yes…fucking dogs…he explained that every time you fucked one, upon completion of said act, the dog would run circles around you three times and be all happy. That’s the kind of stuff swamp thing talked about. That’s how he rolled. Now if you remember I mentioned about inmates segregating themselves. In the chow hall that’s taken to an extreme. Zero race mixing at all. Some of the worst fights have been over seats in the chow hall. So imagine my surprise while standing mainline swamp thing comes through, gets his tray and walks over and sits down with three African American gentleman. They look at him strangely but after all it’s swamp thing so they give him a pass. I breathe a sigh of relief but continue watching. I notice swamp thing reach into his front shirt pocket and remove what I assume was a wad of napkins and place them on his tray. I then notice him grab a salt shaker and salt his food. Pepper also. Then he takes a bite. At this time the three Afrocentric gentlemen jump up cussing and shouting and slinging their trays. I call it on tac #1 and start running. Other staff come running inside. Ole swamp thing decided to wrap a turd in napkins, carry it to the chow hall, sit down with the aforementioned people, salt and pepper that dookie, and start eating it……..yup…turd….shit sandwich….but that’s swamp thing….that’s how he rolled…I never saw him again after that….and that’s the ballad of swamp thing. Was he crazy?…. Or was he a genius? Nobody ever fucked with him, that’s for sure….
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As disturbing as this is it is very consistent with some of the other prison inmate stories I have heard. Definitely something to discuss with my wife over dinner I think.
 
JackBootedThug said:
Prisons are the new nut houses.
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The dude you described probably received the same treatment he was didshing out when he was a kid growing up. I know people who are retarded due to early childhood trauma like that. Locking kid's in the closet. Starvation. Beatings. Blame. Some people man...they'll have kids and raise them ok but that one kid is the whipping boy who receives all the anger his parents have. Grows up completely unhinged. Seems like some kids don't have a chance.
 
JackBootedThug said:
#3 The ballad of swamp thing….

Swamp thing is a very interesting dude. Severe mental illness issues and from being from Cuba…probably was jailed all his life. Anyway he’s a mariel Cuban. Castro emptied out all prisons, mental institutions and basically all undesirable people and threw them on boats and sent them to the USA. When they got here most were imprisoned in the fed for life. So anyway swamp thing is more fucked up than a tree full of owls. They made him a compound orderly driving a Cadillac so everyone could watch him. My first experience with swamp thing was standing outside the chow hall while mainline was running….they planted trees on the compound and swamp thing found a birds nest with three little chicks in it. He promptly grabbed one and ate it. That’s swamp thing. That’s how he rolled. My first conversation with him was about him fucking dogs. Yes…fucking dogs…he explained that every time you fucked one, upon completion of said act, the dog would run circles around you three times and be all happy. That’s the kind of stuff swamp thing talked about. That’s how he rolled. Now if you remember I mentioned about inmates segregating themselves. In the chow hall that’s taken to an extreme. Zero race mixing at all. Some of the worst fights have been over seats in the chow hall. So imagine my surprise while standing mainline swamp thing comes through, gets his tray and walks over and sits down with three African American gentleman. They look at him strangely but after all it’s swamp thing so they give him a pass. I breathe a sigh of relief but continue watching. I notice swamp thing reach into his front shirt pocket and remove what I assume was a wad of napkins and place them on his tray. I then notice him grab a salt shaker and salt his food. Pepper also. Then he takes a bite. At this time the three Afrocentric gentlemen jump up cussing and shouting and slinging their trays. I call it on tac #1 and start running. Other staff come running inside. Ole swamp thing decided to wrap a turd in napkins, carry it to the chow hall, sit down with the aforementioned people, salt and pepper that dookie, and start eating it……..yup…turd….shit sandwich….but that’s swamp thing….that’s how he rolled…I never saw him again after that….and that’s the ballad of swamp thing. Was he crazy?…. Or was he a genius? Nobody ever fucked with him, that’s for sure….
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I think I now know who hit chum chum with the softball bat to the head , it was swamp thing after chum chum attempted to pound swamp thing in the ass.


Moral of the story , avoid people named swamp thing and chum chum.
 
JBT - how many times ('X' or %) did you see something happen to someone who was 'innocent' vs. someone who deserved xyz?
 
311splawndude said:
JBT - how many times ('X' or %) did you see something happen to someone who was 'innocent' vs. someone who deserved xyz?
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You always had times where people got caught up in shit but 9 times out of ten when something went down there was a reason for it. With all the gang shit, racial grouping and religious cliques…random stuff just doesn’t happen a lot. Does that make sense? Fuck with the wrong guy and it could blow up….
 
JackBootedThug said:
You always had times where people got caught up in shit but 9 times out of ten when something went down there was a reason for it. With all the gang shit, racial grouping and religious cliques…random stuff just doesn’t happen a lot. Does that make sense? Fuck with the wrong guy and it could blow up….
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Where you ever afraid inside or outside?
 
DanishDon said:
Where you ever afraid inside or on the outside?
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Fuck yes bro. Scared to Fuckin death. We are not wired for a lot of things. When the shit goes down that’s what reveals what type of person you are. Everyone is a warrior till it’s time to do some warrior shit.
 
Remember my story about the first inmate to try me my first day on the job? Imagine me…a rookie hair lipped white boy from West Virginia, standing by myself around 60 inmates in a federal pound you in the ass prison…tell a convict to grab a mop and clean the floor and he says fuck you c.o…..my heart was pounding for a second….started getting jumpy…yeah buddy…get you some….lol
 
JackBootedThug said:
Remember my story about the first inmate to try me my first day on the job? Imagine me…a rookie hair lipped white boy from West Virginia, standing by myself around 60 inmates in a federal pound you in the ass prison…tell a convict to grab a mop and clean the floor and he says fuck you c.o…..my heart was pounding for a second….started getting jumpy…yeah buddy…get you some….lol
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Probably made you a much calmer guy in the day to day life like when wannabe tough guys talk shit at the bar.
 
DanishDon said:
Probably made you a much calmer guy in the day to day life like when wannabe tough guys talk shit at the bar.
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I’ll be honest bro, I’m on I think Prozac….twice a day….after doing that shit for 22 years I have a hard time dealing with confrontation on the street. I’m getting better since I’ve retired. The dumbest stuff can set me off. If the adrenaline dump hits me watch out cause it’s go time. Hope I’m making sense…anyone reading this-if you know you know….lol
 
Example-you can get in my face and call me anything but a white man and won’t faze me at all…then I can have a slight miscommunication and literally snap the fuck out…no rhyme or reason to it…
 
JackBootedThug said:
I’ll be honest bro, I’m on I think Prozac….twice a day….after doing that shit for 22 years I have a hard time dealing with confrontation on the street. I’m getting better since I’ve retired. The dumbest stuff can set me off. If the adrenaline dump hits me watch out cause it’s go time. Hope I’m making sense…anyone reading this-if you know you know….lol
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Oh man ... sorry for the bad joke but this means there's a lot more tales in store?
Why don't you like being called a white man though?
 
DanishDon said:
Oh man ... sorry for the bad joke but this means there's a lot more tales in store?
Why don't you like being called a white man though?
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It’s a dumb figure of speech…it’s something I have heard around here all my life. And yes I got all kinds of dumb stories. If you want to know anything just ask. I’m actually pretty squared away and know a little bit about security and corrections…sorry if it sounds like I’m bragging….
 
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More crazies maybe? There's comedic value in those ones. :dunno:
 
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