tales from the big house.....

  • Thread starter Thread starter JackBootedThug
  • Start date Start date
Monkey Man said:
I've seen 'em use it purposely on the recruits in the reality-TV show SAS Australia.

They had to cop a spray whilst carrying something up a hill and then concentrate enough to unlock a padlock with a hidden key in a shed when they reached it.

Definitely looked like a Helluva challenge.
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Cs is tear gas, oc is pepper spray. We used top cop oc and it’s brutal…. If they took oc and had to do that….fuck…that’s impressive…
 
Yup, it was OC, which is why I mentioned it.

They had to pause on the way up the hill and receive the dose eyes-wide-open.
 
Yeah, they all had slime streaming from their faces.

Was a serious challenge which is why I love that show.
 
#4-The Surgeon
So we had this one guy who had a varicose vein on his nut sack. He was upset with this condition and went to medical. He demanded that they send him out and have it removed. Medical explained to him that it was not life threatening and that would be considered cosmetic surgery so his request was denied. He promptly went back to the house and sometime that evening opened his nutsack up with a razor blade and cut out the offending part of his anatomy. Then he stitched his nutsack back together with a needle and minty fresh dental floss. Sometime through the night he requested help because everything was swollen, infected, and distended.....the dental floss didn't hold either. They sent him out and I never saw him again. Moral of the story-don't cut your ballsack open and sew it up with dental floss....I dunno....dude was a dumbass....thought I would mention this one because I just had surgery myself...lol....and no-I never saw his junk...but they say it was a sight to behold.....
 
JackBootedThug said:
#4-The Surgeon
So we had this one guy who had a varicose vein on his nut sack. He was upset with this condition and went to medical. He demanded that they send him out and have it removed. Medical explained to him that it was not life threatening and that would be considered cosmetic surgery so his request was denied. He promptly went back to the house and sometime that evening opened his nutsack up with a razor blade and cut out the offending part of his anatomy. Then he stitched his nutsack back together with a needle and minty fresh dental floss. Sometime through the night he requested help because everything was swollen, infected, and distended.....the dental floss didn't hold either. They sent him out and I never saw him again. Moral of the story-don't cut your ballsack open and sew it up with dental floss....I dunno....dude was a dumbass....thought I would mention this one because I just had surgery myself...lol....and no-I never saw his junk...but they say it was a sight to behold.....
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C'mon man, that story taint real.
 
JackBootedThug said:
#4-The Surgeon
So we had this one guy who had a varicose vein on his nut sack. He was upset with this condition and went to medical. He demanded that they send him out and have it removed. Medical explained to him that it was not life threatening and that would be considered cosmetic surgery so his request was denied. He promptly went back to the house and sometime that evening opened his nutsack up with a razor blade and cut out the offending part of his anatomy. Then he stitched his nutsack back together with a needle and minty fresh dental floss. Sometime through the night he requested help because everything was swollen, infected, and distended.....the dental floss didn't hold either. They sent him out and I never saw him again. Moral of the story-don't cut your ballsack open and sew it up with dental floss....I dunno....dude was a dumbass....thought I would mention this one because I just had surgery myself...lol....and no-I never saw his junk...but they say it was a sight to behold.....
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Good thing they just removed your satchel ! Jackie Booted Thug !
 
JackBootedThug said:
#4-The Surgeon
So we had this one guy who had a varicose vein on his nut sack. He was upset with this condition and went to medical. He demanded that they send him out and have it removed. Medical explained to him that it was not life threatening and that would be considered cosmetic surgery so his request was denied. He promptly went back to the house and sometime that evening opened his nutsack up with a razor blade and cut out the offending part of his anatomy. Then he stitched his nutsack back together with a needle and minty fresh dental floss. Sometime through the night he requested help because everything was swollen, infected, and distended.....the dental floss didn't hold either. They sent him out and I never saw him again. Moral of the story-don't cut your ballsack open and sew it up with dental floss....I dunno....dude was a dumbass....thought I would mention this one because I just had surgery myself...lol....and no-I never saw his junk...but they say it was a sight to behold.....
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More disturbing to me than the guy who jabbed his eyes out with a pencil. If you were recounting this story to me in person I would've asked you stop. My teeth were clenching tighter as I kept reading. Even when I tell myself it's just a little self care gone wrong and chuckle my body still wants to shudder. I hope you don't have any more genital mutilation stories to share.
 
VonBonfire said:
More disturbing to me than the guy who jabbed his eyes out with a pencil. If you were recounting this story to me in person I would've asked you stop. My teeth were clenching tighter as I kept reading. Even when I tell myself it's just a little self care gone wrong and chuckle my body still wants to shudder. I hope you don't have any more genital mutilation stories to share.
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better skip the next one then....oh fuck it-I'll make it quick....
 
#5 Dominoes....
This will be quick. Hispanic inmates were busting up dominoes and polishing and smoothing them on the concrete. Then they would have one of them slit the epidermis and dermis on top and underneath their peckers and stuff the domino pieces in their dicks. Some of them would have 6-10 pieces in their cocks. One of my workers in the dishroom was a cutter. I said why the fuck are you doing that shit? He said cause the ladies love it boss man. I said look around mother fucker...your in a male prison.....what fuckin ladies dumbass? Buffy the muslim slayer? Trailer Swift? He did not like that one bit. Then one of the black dudes said they were doing that shit cause they didn't have anything to work with..... 🤯 :ROFLMAO:
 
#6- No one dies in prison…
Yes that’s true. As soon as they leave in an ambulance then they can die…lol.
We had an inmate who was fairly high up in a criminal organization. Not cartel level but upper street level gang members. For whatever reason he went back to court and flipped on the homies. He was doing life so I assume it was to get moved to a lower security level or possibly get a reduction. At that time it was not possible. You get a life sentence in the fed and you do life. The big bitch. Only leaving in a box or bag. Well anyway the fed fucked him..surprise, surprise. The gang sent word to him that he either killed himself or his family was dead. He promptly hung himself. They called it and we responded and cut him down. He was dead. Been dead for a at least 15 minutes or possibly longer. This was also in the evening in semi rural Appalachia so we got word that the ambulance was going to be delayed. So I had a coworker say fuck it…I’m gonna bring him back. I said dude-he’s dead….. he said fuck it-I’m not doing anything anyway. He did cpr on dude for about thirty minutes straight. He was drenched in sweat. I hit the bag myself as well as a few others but he stayed right on the compressions the whole time. He tried. Pretty Herculean effort. Not out of a sense of duty or obligation but because…he was bored. That’s kinda the prison mentality that people develop over time. You do become somewhat desensitized to things that would probably freak normal people out.
 
JackBootedThug said:
#6- No one dies in prison…
Yes that’s true. As soon as they leave in an ambulance then they can die…lol.
We had an inmate who was fairly high up in a criminal organization. Not cartel level but upper street level gang members. For whatever reason he went back to court and flipped on the homies. He was doing life so I assume it was to get moved to a lower security level or possibly get a reduction. At that time it was not possible. You get a life sentence in the fed and you do life. The big bitch. Only leaving in a box or bag. Well anyway the fed fucked him..surprise, surprise. The gang sent word to him that he either killed himself or his family was dead. He promptly hung himself. They called it and we responded and cut him down. He was dead. Been dead for a at least 15 minutes or possibly longer. This was also in the evening in semi rural Appalachia so we got word that the ambulance was going to be delayed. So I had a coworker say fuck it…I’m gonna bring him back. I said dude-he’s dead….. he said fuck it-I’m not doing anything anyway. He did cpr on dude for about thirty minutes straight. He was drenched in sweat. I hit the bag myself as well as a few others but he stayed right on the compressions the whole time. He tried. Pretty Herculean effort. Not out of a sense of duty or obligation but because…he was bored. That’s kinda the prison mentality that people develop over time. You do become somewhat desensitized to things that would probably freak normal people out.
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Ive got a work death story...
 
dcburn said:
Ive got a work death story...
Click to expand...
I was the building and grounds, facilities manager of a large, corporate scrap yard.
After my first year, they liked how I did things and added Fabrication Shop manager to my title.
Two years later, they added Safety Manager to my title as well.

I did everything OSHA would recommend.
Safety meetings, "tool box" talks.
I scheduled fire extinguisher training.
I purchased all PPE.
I went to all three of my locations doing inspections and making sure everyone was complying.

Today, my opinion is that safety really isn't for the individual.
Its for insurance compliance and OSHA fines.
Sort of like the DOT...

Anyways, there were plenty of non English speaking employees.
One of which, was Cuban.
He spoke and understood English when it was convenient.

He ran what they call a Sierra Logger.
A mobile car crusher.
Gets pulled behind a tractor just like any trailer going down the road.
We could take to multiple facilities to crush cars.

Anyways, early on a Saturday morning, my phone is blowing up.
I answer and am told I have to get to our inner city location.

By time I got there, over an hour in and they still haven't extracted the body.

The unit has switches that the ram makes letting the machine know where its at in its travel.
At times, metal would get pushed ahead and make the switch shutting down the forward progress of the ram.
It is for safety.
There is a process for stopping the machine to clear faults.
It was later found out that he would take naps inside the machine.
He felt very comfortable running the machine. The crusher.
Found out he regulalry thought he was faster than the machine and would clear faults while it was still powered up.
Machine would take off slowly and he would jump out of the way after clearing the fault and work would continue.

Well, the Saturday I was getting called to come in, he wasn't faster.
I watched them extract the body.
His head was purple, and large like a pumpkin.
He got snagged, and then crushed from the waist down.

Pretty fucked up sight...
 
dcburn said:
I was the building and grounds, facilities manager of a large, corporate scrap yard.
After my first year, they liked how I did things and added Fabrication Shop manager to my title.
Two years later, they added Safety Manager to my title as well.

I did everything OSHA would recommend.
Safety meetings, "tool box" talks.
I scheduled fire extinguisher training.
I purchased all PPE.
I went to all three of my locations doing inspections and making sure everyone was complying.

Today, my opinion is that safety really isn't for the individual.
Its for insurance compliance and OSHA fines.
Sort of like the DOT...

Anyways, there were plenty of non English speaking employees.
One of which, was Cuban.
He spoke and understood English when it was convenient.

He ran what they call a Sierra Logger.
A mobile car crusher.
Gets pulled behind a tractor just like any trailer going down the road.
We could take to multiple facilities to crush cars.

Anyways, early on a Saturday morning, my phone is blowing up.
I answer and am told I have to get to our inner city location.

By time I got there, over an hour in and they still haven't extracted the body.

The unit has switches that the ram makes letting the machine know where its at in its travel.
At times, metal would get pushed ahead and make the switch shutting down the forward progress of the ram.
It is for safety.
There is a process for stopping the machine to clear faults.
It was later found out that he would take naps inside the machine.
He felt very comfortable running the machine. The crusher.
Found out he regulalry thought he was faster than the machine and would clear faults while it was still powered up.
Machine would take off slowly and he would jump out of the way after clearing the fault and work would continue.

Well, the Saturday I was getting called to come in, he wasn't faster.
I watched them extract the body.
His head was purple, and large like a pumpkin.
He got snagged, and then crushed from the waist down.

Pretty fucked up sight...
Click to expand...

I got to the part where you said he liked to take naps in the machine. I thought you were going to say someone turned it on while he was snoozing.

Pretty gruesome death, but I have zero sympathy for that kind of stupidity. He took a massive chance every time he did that and in the end kind of got what he deserved for being that dumb. I don't work in industry, but have been around it enough (chem. plants & refineries) to see a high level of Darwinism at work. It makes me wonder how some of those people survived life in general for as long as they have. Guess the saying holds true. Common sense isn't that common.
 
Then you get the aftermath...

Lawsuits
OSHA
Layers
Consultation companies
Cleaning companies (after bodily fluids, needs a professional cleaning)

I actually kicked a chunk of meat off the unit just before OSHA came to check out machine...
 
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